TAS 543 (Personal Story) Suicide – Drugs – Divorce to NOW Successful Dad and Multiple Business Owner

Let’s face it, everyone has their own story filled with the highs and lows that life brings along. Some people have more tragedy and pain in their life than others but at the end of the day, it all comes down to how you choose to move forward. Will you stay stuck and defeated by your pain or will you move forward and rise above it? The choices you make today can have the power to shape your life for years to come! Make sure to listen to this episode of The Amazing Seller as Scott sits down with Joel Bower and opens up about his childhood, the pain his mother struggled with, how that’s impacted him today, and more.

Why it’s helpful to understand how the past shapes us.

Did you know that there is one on earth who is a self-made individual? It’s true! While the term often refers to someone who’s worked hard to build their wealth or fame with their talent and hard work it can be misleading. People are a product of their surroundings, for good and for bad. The more you buy the lie that your past doesn’t matter, the more you cut yourself off from growth. What lessons can you learn from looking back at your past? What healing could occur? Learn from Scott’s story and how he’s been able to embrace and come to terms with his past to plot a more hopeful future by listening to this episode of The Amazing Seller.

Pain is part of the story, you choose what power it holds.

Hearing Scott open up about the pain that filled his childhood from the tension in his parent's relationship to financial struggles, alcoholism, and an eventual divorce seems like too much for any one person to bear. While it would have been understandable for Scott to succumb too much of the pain in his life, he chose a different path. He didn’t want his story to be dominated by the pain in his past, he wanted to use it as fuel for a brighter future. You can do that too! You don’t have to let the narratives of past hurt or failure to define your future. Hear more about Scott’s journey by listening to this powerful episode of The Amazing Seller.

If the pain is too much to bear, please get help.

One of the toughest aspects of Scott’s story is hearing the long-term impact of substance abuse and isolation. As she struggled with the pain of her own past, Scott’s mother sought relief by depending on alcohol and prescription drugs to relieve the pain. Thankfully, he was able to witness his mother find freedom through sobriety before her death. During a particularly difficult time in his life, Scott had mentioned taking the route of committing suicide. Looking back, he doesn’t think he really would have followed through with the threat, he was just trying to elicit a response from his mother. Both of these aspects of Scott story serve as a reminder that life can pull you in directions you would never have imagined if it gets to be too much to bear, get help. Don’t struggle and suffer alone, a healthy and fulfilling life is worth fighting for!

Believe in yourself and pursue what makes you happy!

At the end of the day, Scott wants his story to serve as an example that you can rise above your pain and pursue a life of joy and happiness. While it is not helpful to ignore your pain, the key is to find a way to focus on what you can do with your life in the here and now. Embrace a future where you can pursue what makes you happy. Believe in yourself and your ability to go out there a succeed. If you need encouragement and motivation, look to what Scott has done. No, he’s not perfect but he wants his story to help leaders like you who are wondering if they have anything to offer the world – you do!

OUTLINE OF THIS EPISODE OF THE AMAZING SELLER

  • [0:03] Scott’s introduction to this episode of the podcast!
  • [1:30] Scott welcomes Joel to the podcast.
  • [5:00] You can use your pain as fuel to move forward.
  • [7:15] A preface to Scott’s story.
  • [8:45] Scott starts to share his story.
  • [15:15] What it was like growing up in a tumultuous household.
  • [24:45] Why Scott struggles with leaving his family even for a short trip.
  • [28:30] How your past story shapes your current behavior.
  • [30:45] Scott talks about having to make the decision to live with his father over his mom.
  • [36:20] What would be different if the challenges and hurt never happened?
  • [39:00] Why does Scott feel compelled to control things in his life?
  • [43:00] Scott talks about building his house.
  • [46:00] The long term impact of fear, suicide, and death.
  • [50:00] Finding stability and building a solid foundation.
  • [55:15] Why it’s important to believe in yourself and pursue what makes you happy.
  • [57:00] Scott talks about the moment he found out his mother had passed away.
  • [1:00:00] Advice for people who are struggling right now.

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TRANSCRIPT TAS 543

TAS 543: (Personal Story) Suicide – Drugs – Divorce to NOW Successful Dad and Multiple Business Owner

[INTRODUCTION]

[00:00:02] Scott: Well, hey, hey, what’s up, everyone? Welcome back to another episode of The Amazing Seller Podcast. This is episode number 543 and today I’m a little scared, I got to be honest with you because we are going to be sharing…

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…something that I’ve never shared before and this is a very, very personal story. I could get a little emotional through this story, but it has to do with suicide, drugs, divorce, and becoming a successful dad and multiple businesses that I’ve owned. I’m going to be sharing with you stuff that I’ve never ever shared before and I’m doing it for a few different reasons and I’ll talk a little bit more about that here in a second, but this is not about how to grow your Amazon business necessarily today, although it could translate into that by you being able to move past some of your own obstructions in your life or just things that you think that you can’t do.

I’m sharing this because I hope that it’ll serve you. I hope that we can connect a little bit deeper by me sharing this with you and to do this because I know it’s going to be kind of a little bit hard for me. I’ve invited on a good friend of mine, also a part of our TAS team, Joel Bower. He’s really good at digging deep and I wanted him to actually go through this and I’ve never really shared the full story with him either so he’s going to be asking some questions throughout this, so we can get the best out of this interview. So, I’m going to have him interview me today. So, Joel, are you there, my friend?

[INTERVIEW]

[00:01:31] Joel: Yes. I am here, man.

[00:01:33] Scott: Yeah. So, we’re going to get started here. I mean, I don’t know where to start but what do you want to, I mean, before we jump in, I mean, I talked to you about it a little bit. I talked to some other people personally and I’m like, “Should I even share this stuff? Does it even matter?” What do you want to say to people listening before we jump into this story of mine?

[00:01:52] Joel: Yeah. I think this is such a cool part and we came up with this idea of sharing deeper. It’s something that we do well with the audience. We share a lot. We always want to be honest and forthright and open and here’s our lives, here’s what we’re doing. It’s not like here’s this business, scary business thing over here. Here’s this family thing over here. It’s always been together for us. That’s how we do it. So, this reveal part like kind of talking about your story I think is so crucial because it’s going to help people hear that, “Hey, not everything is going smoothly or perfectly.” When someone’s having a lot of success, a lot of times it’s because they’ve gone through a lot of other stuff before this that have prepared them to take the actions, make the decisions that they made to get them here.

And so, if you’re like in there and you have that story for yourself and you said, “Hey, man I don’t know if I can do this next thing. I came from a broken home or I didn’t have the education I’m supposed to have or maybe I have too much education.” Whatever the reason is we all have a story behind us and we can either use that to propel us forward or to hurt us. And so, I think it’s so awesome and so brave honestly, Scott, for you to share so many things because I know what you’ve talked about, you shared a little bit with me is this is stuff that happened in your childhood that really shaped you but could've been damaging, could've been very painful, and could’ve left you weaker than you are and you made the choices consistently to change that and so I’m really excited to hear that.

[00:03:11] Scott: Yeah. It is and there’s a lot that I look back on to society’s standards or like them kind of saying like if you go through this, you will become this. I should’ve been a lot different than I am right now and I’m not quite sure 100%. I can’t put my finger on it like what actually allowed me to kind of escape that. I always look like there are cycles in families and as you’re being raised, you’re being shaped, and it’s up to you to either take the good and run with it and take the bad and run with that or run with that. I think I’ve picked a lot of the good and I was able to focus on that but there’s been a lot of bad now that I look back on it that I would never want my kids to go through. And I don’t want people to think that they have to have a broken story like I don’t like talking about people being broken. “Everyone is broken. You got to fix yourself,” like that’s not what I want to do here so I don’t want people to think that I’m saying that.

But I do know a lot of people look at what’s happening on social media, what people post. They never really post like the girl without makeup. It’s always like we’re trying to put a face on ourselves or kind of like that perceived image and I want people to see that not everything was perfect as I was growing up and there was a lot of times that I was and there’s a lot of things that I do today that are a result of that and some of them aren’t really that great that I’m still working on, insecurities and stuff like that. But I think what I should probably do, Joel, is probably just kind of go back and then we might even have to go back once we start going through because there are other parts that I might be missing but just, I mean, do you want to start by asking any questions or do you want me to just kind of start with where I’m thinking?

[00:05:08] Joel: I want to give one quick frame because you brought up a lot of good points and it’s like this isn’t saying, “Hey, if you don’t have a horrible past,” or something that’s traumatic in your past. Whatever we go through in our lives it is traumatic to us because really, it’s kind of – it’s not – how do I describe that? It’s not concrete. It’s not like this is a level of pain you feel for this activity. It’s relevant to us are relative to us and so if someone went through a thing or they went through like dark times or addiction or stuff and found trapped or painful relationships or whatever it is, each person’s case like if it’s, “Okay. My parent was never there,” the person where the parent was never there because they might have had an alcohol problem versus the parent wasn't there because they were busy at work. The pain for the child can be very similar. And so, I don’t want you to look at this and go, “Okay. I see why Scott succeeded now is because he had these really awful things I didn’t.”

For you, your stuff is your pain and you can either turn that to motivate you to change or to be better or to have more in your life or to have less. That’s up to you. So, I don’t want you like listen to Scott and go, “Oh, it’s not that bad. So, that’s not why I’m not motivated to move forward.” So, I want both sides and if you do happen to share with Scott like similar things, I hope the insight helps you to go, “Okay. I have been using this to kind of hurt myself and stop myself but what if I could do something more with it?” And so, I just want you guys to pay attention and not like try to disqualify and go, “Oh, it’s not me,” and then tune out like realize. And if you have worst stuff than Scott, the same thing applies. For you, that's really, really intense. Relative to Scott, for Scott’s own life, this was a traumatic stuff. He didn’t have more traumatic things happen so this was the intense emotional stuff that affected him and hurt him in the same way that some of your stuff was. Not to say what happened to you might not be more traumatic that can happen or less traumatic. It’s just pay attention. We are human and we feel our pain is real.

[00:07:06] Scott: Yeah. Absolutely. So, I’ll set the stage really quickly and what I really want people to understand too before we even dive in is that I had great parents. My mother she had some issues and I’ll talk about that. I’ll explain how that then affected me and I lost my mother when she was 50 which was devastating to me. She had a heart attack and we’ll talk about why I think she had a heart attack, but I had great parents. My mother taught me a lot of really, really good things but there was also a lot of negative things that came along with that going through her own struggles. My father was always there. He’s actually here right now visiting. I’m so fortunate to have him still in my life at 75. He just turned 75 July 4 so I’m really excited about that and I’m glad he’s here and we’re going to a Yankee game this week and stuff so I'm really fortunate to have that but there were times that he wasn't around because he was working three jobs a lot of times but I just want people to understand I'm not knocking my parents at all and I don't fault them in anything that they've done but I've learned a ton, some good and some not so good. So, where do you want to start?

[00:08:26] Joel: Yeah. Let’s start with maybe like an early memory that like at the time you’d even know that anything was going on because that was your life but now you realize, “Wow. That was intense. If other people went through that I don’t know if they would’ve felt so good like so normal about it or like being able to do something good with it.”

[00:08:42] Scott: Yeah. Okay. So, let me set the stage here. So, this is what I was told and this is what I remember if I think back, well, I didn’t know it, but my mother was eight months pregnant for me and my father was living with them, with my mother’s parents, and they owned a bar, they owned a tavern in an area called Ballston Spa which is in New York, upstate New York. They’re excited they’re going to have a new baby. My mother didn’t think she could get pregnant and I was eight months in her belly and they owned a bar so like I said you can imagine there’s a lot of drinking going on and stuff like that. And I’ll talk a little bit more about her history or her past once we move forward but just to kind of set the stage. So, my mother went to bed one night and I think her and her father gotten a little bit of an argument over probably because he came home drunk and she was upset with him.

And it was probably a common thing that was happening even through her childhood and my father was there and they lived together like I said and let me also go back a little bit. I had, now I do, I have a stepsister or a half-sister, Kelly, who my father legally adopted. She was two years old when they got married. He legally adopted her and made her our last name and all of that stuff. Her father abandoned her until she was 16. Another story, I’ll talk more about that later but just to kind of set the stage. That’s what we’re talking about. So, now my mother goes to bed and she goes to bed like as normal, eight months pregnant with me, and my father wakes up and hears a crazy scream like someone screaming and my grandmother which I didn’t know at the time I was eight months in my mother’s stomach, my father goes in the garage and my mother’s father had committed suicide.

[00:10:42] Scott: Yeah. He took a hose from the pool and put it on the exhaust pipe and just went to sleep and killed himself. So, my mother obviously, my father didn’t want her seeing that. He had to go out there, shut the car off, take everything apart, called the paramedics and all that stuff. And that’s what started a huge downward spiral for my mother as you can imagine. Eight months pregnant, didn’t lose me, almost did, and then here we are. So, getting a little choked up talking about it.

[00:11:26] Joel: That’s some intense stuff absolutely, man. So, when looking back at that now like what is kind of the takeaway you have for like how that shaped your life or how that affected you?

[00:11:38] Scott: Actually.

[00:11:39] Joel: Like, just knowing that background but I know you weren’t out and about.

[00:11:42] Scott: Well, it makes me understand my mother of what she went through and probably why she went on the path that she did but, again, being like thinking of her and my father having to go through that like seriously like what that was like, like what could that, I mean, and then to think that I might not have been here. My kids might not have been here. So, like thinking of all of those things really puts it into perspective for me and really says, “Holy crap,” like my father’s been a through a ton to after then helped my mother go through that. And my father was friends with her father. I mean my father met my mother at the tavern that they own. He used to come down and shoot darts on like Wednesday nights and my mother was there and that’s how they met.

[00:12:33] Joel: But I really love something you said in there. It was just that we don’t always think about the effects of what we do and have or what happens to us, how it affects things that aren’t even about like your kids. You mentioned like that’s long down the chute but, man, that is like in the decisions that they made in those moments about our lives and that’s something we forget. A lot of times we make decisions because of our own fears or worries or concerns but it was interesting to see that level of glimpse like look at had your mom made different decisions, she would be affecting the lives that aren’t even there yet, and she could’ve. She could’ve either way and so maybe it was like at that point like the will because you were there maybe she’d step up in certain ways where she might not have done that had she not had a reason to. And so, it’s an interesting perspective when things happen to us what we do with them.

[00:13:25] Scott: Yeah. I agree and now going into a little bit more of the darker, I mean, if it could get any darker but that’s where my mother started to lean on drinking and she started to want to cover the pain. And we’ll go back a little bit, but she didn’t really know, she kind of knew, but she didn’t know why she was starting to have a drinking problem. She didn’t realize it. I don’t think a lot of people realize why they start having a drug addiction or they have. Why are they masking these certain things? Was it just the suicide? And later in life, we found out, no it was more than that. The guilt of her not saying goodnight properly haunted her but then again things that happened to her and her childhood that she didn’t really know until she went through counseling that made it even make more sense which I'll share with that in a little while.

But at this point now, okay fast-forward a little bit, my father is working and my mother is working. She was working in a restaurant in Ballston Spa called Echobelly’s and I actually worked there. It’s a funny story. I worked there my first job after I was I think I was 13. I was getting paid $3.25 an hour which is minimum wage by the way. Dating myself. But I work in the same kitchen that my mother did later. She wasn’t there at the same time but she was there as like the prep chef and stuff and so she was a good cook and all of that, but my mother was always fun and happy but then she was also very down and depressed, and sometimes we would see her go away and like, I mean away like she would just seclude herself. And growing up I remember it more so when I was probably in early to later elementary school like third, fourth, and fifth grade.

[00:15:23] Scott: That’s when I really started to notice that there was something going on and I was being affected and I really didn’t know how I was being affected until later in life even when I was a teenager, but my mother was always again had a drink in her hand as I was growing up at that age. I’m hearing my father and her arguing whether it was over money, whether it was over drinking, a party that they had, and they got out of hand or whatever. I remember being in the middle of that and seeing that and hearing that. So, kind of teaching me a lesson like my wife and I have never argued in front of our kids like shouting matches never happened and I think my wife grew up in a very similar situation as well, alcoholism, her father was abusive towards her mother and all of that. So, we resonated really well which I think is pretty awesome that her and I met to be able to share similar stories.

But going back to like my mother then, my mother would start to lean on prescription drugs, valium, and just different prescribed drugs to really numb the pain that she was having but by doing this also she was starting to really get depressed and there were times I’ve never seen my mother smile. But my mother was a happy person like a fun person like she’d be the one that would be on the ground tickling and having fun. I’ve got pictures of her wrestling me and we’re just having a blast, so I remember all of that stuff and I know that that was a huge quality and it hurts me to ever not be here for my kids.                      

                                                                                                                                                                                  

[00:17:09] Joel: Yeah. Do you remember, I mean, you talked a lot about her kind of being depressed and kind of being off. Do you remember how it affected you as a kid? What were you thinking?

[00:17:19] Scott: Well, the other problem was that she would keep me home from school, so I had probably when I was in fourth grade I missed probably half the year at school and that was because she was keeping me home because she didn’t want to be alone. She wanted someone there and she didn't know why but she would say, “Hey, Scott, you want to stay home today?” I'm in third grade. “Yeah!” Get to watch Price Is Right. We get to watch some TV shows, get to watch soap operas or whatever like I’m a kid. So, of course, I said yes. I sleep in, but it was also scarring me because later in life even now it affects me to not wanting to be separated from my family. And then I had a meeting at school. Obviously, they’re like, “Your son’s missing too much school,” had to go see a therapist and kind of figure out what was the reason.

The reason is because I was basically being kind of taking in my mother’s world of being her rock, her security, and then actually to back up a little bit, let me back up just a little bit. Also, what was happening during this as I was in elementary, my mother was going back and forth to rehabs so she would go to a rehab and I’ll never forget it, Long Island, so it was about a three, maybe a four-hour ride for us and we didn’t have the best car like we had a car that would break down. My father would fix a car. We never had new cars. So, we’re driving this car all the way there hoping it doesn’t break down and we’re driving there to visit my mother and I didn’t get to see her like six weeks. So, imagine seeing your mother all the time and then not for six weeks. Gone. So, yeah that was tough.

[00:19:15] Scott: But again, going back to like that stuff affects me still to this day of not wanting to travel as much, away from my family because I had that attachment. I had that fear that you’re not going to be there. I got a funny story I’ll share with you about our friend, Jimmy. I’ll share that here. Just to remind me, I’ll share that with you and it goes hand-in-hand with not wanting to be separated and thinking my parents were going to not be there like I wouldn’t want to play with my friends as much because I wouldn’t want to be away from home that long because I was afraid my parents weren’t going to be there because I would come home one time and I’d be with a sitter because my father had to go take her to a rehab for six weeks. And I didn’t know when that day was going to come.

[00:20:00] Joel: And how do you see like from your kind of the kid’s view of how it’s affecting your dad and what he did in response to that?

[00:20:07] Scott: Yeah. I’ve seen it. It was tough and now I even look back and I go, “Man, I don’t know how he did it,” because he’s dealing with providing, making enough money to feed us in the house, put a house, a roof over our head, and clothes and all of that and work. And how do you focus at work when you have this going on in your life? I can’t even imagine. I mean, think about when you have like one little thing happen. One little thing in your life that happens and then imagine being someone that’s providing, you’re dealing with a wife that is not really stable that has alcohol problem, prescription drug problem, mental, where you’re not like there were times that she wouldn’t want to go out in the store because she’s afraid she was paranoid like people were – she was feeling like she was weird or she was different and that was becoming a problem and soon we found that she had huge phobias about going out in public and we didn’t know why. No one knew why. My father didn’t know why. So, again, yes seeing my father go through this now even looking back, even now that I’m a grown man with a family, I mean, he’s a strong person, huge.

[00:21:19] Joel: There’s something really cool in this and it’s the – and I’ve seen it a lot. Some people go through things like this and then they become the same. They talk about, I don’t know if you know my background is actually in sociology. That was my degree in college and so looking at like social trends of how people repeat patterns and like how abuse would continue from one to another or alcoholism. Generally, there’s like two choices and it’s like most kids generally choose to be like do what their parents want. What’s interesting and here is like all things that we know are valuable to you are actually responses of like, okay, that’s not going to happen in my family. Okay. I’m not going to have this money struggle. And all these things that you’ve created in your life were in the opposite response and I find that a lot in people that have like come through really hard things and made really amazing lives, they make those choices. They make the standard choice of like that’s not going to happen and I started to hear that trend.

It starts to make a lot of sense of Scott’s big why and you shared that with the audience before but, yeah, it’s just connecting those pieces for me. It’s like you could’ve said, “Okay. Well, this must be normal. This must be what life is about so I’m going to do the same thing.” And most people do, but if you’re in that place, if you’re seeing that pattern or something that’s not good for you, it’s not making your life better. You could also choose what Scott did in many of these cases, not that he did in everywhere. There are probably some places where he’s held on to some of that stuff but where it’s really holding you back, you could like see that and say, “You know what, I’m going to raise my standard. I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure that my family can be together. I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure that my family has resources,” and yeah, it’s just a beautiful thing and that’s why I love these stories is because you mentioned it to me and I don’t know if you did in the intro. I’m already forgetting.

[00:23:05] Scott: We’ll go back and listen.

[00:23:07] Joel: But you had mentioned like the story is like if you can connect and help someone if they can pull that out and that can make their lives better, that’s why you want to do this and so hopefully, if that’s you, if you’re on the other side of this and you’re hearing that, and you go, “Oh, man. You know what, I’m actually repeating that pattern that my dad did that I didn’t like. Maybe he was angry all the time or maybe he had drug and alcohol problems, whatever it was.” If you could say like, “No, no, no, my new standard is not going to have that be part of my life. I’m going to do something different for my kids, for family.”

[00:23:37] Scott: Yeah. And I try to also understand like people. I don’t blame like I don’t blame like someone that committed suicide like I’m like there’s a story in their past of the reason why they decided to do what they did, or someone turned to drug abuse. There’s a reason why and it generally links back to their childhood and their upbringing. So, I never look at someone like you’re just a bad person because that’s what you do. I try to figure out where something happened that made that person change. I look at my son. He’s 20 and he’s a lot better of a kid than I was, and the reason is, is because, number one, he’s got more supervision that he has growing up. I didn’t as much because my father was working all the time and my mother was gone. I had a sitter. So, we were going, I had free reign of wherever I want to go, do whatever I wanted to do. And so, he wouldn’t even think about doing things that I would’ve did because he’s got a stable upbringing and also, we’ve kind of shown him the way.

Now, that doesn’t mean he can’t go the other way but I always try to look at other people and their experience in where something could’ve been changed or something or where that moment happened and I go into like even to this day and, Joel, I may have told you before too even like leaving my family a lot of times is hard for me and it’s hard because I don’t want to miss out but I also don’t want a negative effect even though it won’t be. It’s like four days. I’m gone four days. Big deal. “Go, dad. We’re going to have a party like get out of here,” but in my head, I go back to my childhood and like that, I want to be rooted. There’s a lot of people like digital nomads like that wouldn’t be me. It’s just I like grounding. I like roots. I like to establish my home like my home base in a sense and that comes from my childhood.

[00:25:37] Scott: It doesn’t mean that’s a good quality of mine necessarily. It just means that that’s – and I look back and see why I want to be that way and I’ll share a story. So, when I was in fourth or fifth grade, I had that issue and I just I wanted to be able to – I didn’t want to go to school and it actually got to the point where I was then asking my mother if I could stay home because I didn’t want to go to school because, number one, I also was fearful that my mother was not going to be home when I get home. And so, then when you’re in like elementary, generally, you’re in like a few classrooms like two or three. You’re locked in a day, not locked in, but you’re kind of like you’re in a room and you don’t have like classes that you move around to a lot. It’s kind of like you’re in two or three areas and that I feel trapped and the reason why I feel trapped is because if I wanted to, I want to be able to just go. I just want to go. I have an out and when I was going to middle school, I felt, okay, this is going to be better because now I’m going to be changing classes every hour. If I had to, I could run out if I wanted to.

So, I would have that mindset and I’d say, “I could run,” but now what I did here’s a little safety thing that I did for myself, I said to my mother, I said, “Hey, I’m really nervous about going in this, that, and the other thing and I don’t want to leave and all that,” and she said, “Here’s what I want to do,” and again like my mother was so good about being like she was really good about trying to make sure that I didn’t feel that stuff later on like she was always trying to protect me and also wanted to be open and that was one thing I learned from her is open, never keep things bottled up and she learned that later in life by going through counseling but then she taught that to me. And that’s why my wife and I we always if anything’s bothering me, get it out in the open, just don’t bottle it up, get it out there. But anyway, so she said to me, she said, “Scott, here’s what we’re going to do because I want you to be able to go there and be able to relax. I’m going to give you a quarter,” this is when they had payphones for a quarter, and she said, “I’m going to give you a quarter. Keep it in your pocket and at lunch, if you want to call me, just put it in the payphone and you can call me and you know I’m here and you know everything.”

[00:27:38] Scott: And I had that quarter in my pocket and I never use that quarter, but I had it there just in case I needed to make that call. And that helped me. That helped me kind of get through that but also going to middle school definitely helped me too because I did feel that out. I felt like I could run out the door as if I wanted to. But, yeah, I mean that really that did affect me.

[00:28:01] Joel: What I really like is how you covered, you’ve looked back and you said, “Okay. How did this affect me and like what is my decision right now?” And you said, “I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing,” but what’s really cool about that is because you’re aware of it, you get to choose what you want to do with it. A lot of people are kind of victims to what they think is the truth so it’s like, “Well, families don‘t always stay together so if I leave then there’s risk.” And they don’t ever question that or realize it. And so, even the fact that you have that choice, if you started noticing and say that you needing your kids there all the time was affecting them negatively, you can do something about it, so you can see it. And that’s what’s really cool is like it’s not necessarily bad or good, right? We look at, well, how is it affecting our lives? I had a very similar thing. My parents are or I’m a product of divorce and there’s a lot of being shift back and forth between two families that were very, very different and I had a similar thing as like that connection. I build my home base. I love my wife. I love being around my kids and seeing them on a regular basis and having routines in my life and I do a lot to build those.

And there were times where it’s like, “Okay. Well, I can do this trip,” and I would start to have that resistance. It’s like, “Oh man, maybe I shouldn’t go. That’s a whole week. What are my kids going to do without me?” So, in my mind what I did is like I’m like, “Okay. Well, how is this going to affect them? How is this going to shape them?” Because I came to a realization that it’s not what we say to our kids. It’s what we do that tells them how to be. So, they’re looking at me as a model, so I was like I stop myself and said, “I don’t want my kids to think that something should hold them back from something that’s really important to them.” I know that they can handle it and I want to show them that too and so there’s like all these other blessings that like finally overrode that compulsion. Not that I don’t have that every time because I do like I love being around my kids and so no, I think that’s amazing and that kind of insight of and not saying, “Oh, no, this is the right way to be. See look how good a father I am.” That’s not what you said. You said, “I don’t know if that’s a good thing,” and I love that because that was like there’s so much freedom in that truly.

[00:30:04] Scott: Yeah. You’re right 100% and now talking about divorce let’s go into that area because I was 13 and starting to, again, I was starting to feel a little bit better. I’m like starting to kind of, I’m a teenager now and I’m able to explore a little bit better, a little bit more freedom, whatever, and then I get the question and the question for my mother I’ll never forget it. I was sitting on their bed. Actually, let me go back because that just triggered something for me. I used to go in my mother’s bedroom before school and I used to touch the bed. I just remembered that. I used to touch the bed, so I’d have like a scent and kind of like a touch.

And I just remembered that just now as I mentioned the bedroom because I remember going in the bedroom and having a conversation with her, but I remember I used to go in there. My mother used to have a certain scent. It was like a woman’s musk or something and I still have a bottle of it, but she sat me down on the bed when I was 13 and she said, “Your father and I we’re not getting along. We still love each other but just not in that way and we’re going to be splitting up.” She didn’t say divorce. She said, “We’re going to be splitting up,” and she presented me with a question which I never wanted to ever receive, and I prayed at night for this never to happen, this one moment I prayed every night. I can remember praying, “Please don’t let my parents ever get divorced.” And the day came, and she said, “Who do you want to live with?” And I’m like, “How do you answer that?” So, I knew my father was more of the stable one and I knew that my father was a provider so I kind of tried to take the easy way out without hurting anybody’s feeling.

[00:32:04] Scott: I said, “I’m going to stay wherever the house is.” And I knew that my father was going to stay there so I knew I was going to have the stability but again I was still saying goodbye to my mother kind of and that hurt. And I remember standing in the driveway talking to my buddy about it and actually it was Jimmy. I remember talking to Jimmy about it and trying to have him consult me, as a 13-year-old kid he was older, he was 15. How do you do that? So, yeah, that was a big one. That was a big blow on top of everything else.

[00:32:38] Joel: That’s amazing like how many people I’ve heard that the parents came to ask that very question when divorce occurs. It’s shocking like at least give me some foundation. Well, how do I understand like what’s going on? It is. It’s like they don’t know how to deal with it and they come out and they just blurt it out like who do you want to live with? You don’t ask that kid that. You can ask him what he thinks.

[00:33:02] Scott: The crazy thing is my sister who has always grown up as my sister, she’s not my half-sister, she’s my sister and she’s dealt with a lot of her own internal things and a lot of is probably because of her father leaving her at two years old and he finally contacted her on her 16th birthday and tried to basically buy her back which is another story, but she was always battling with weight. People look at me and they’re like, “Scott, you’re not overweight.” My sister is overweight, and she has been her whole life and I remember her getting bullied and me trying to protect her and all that stuff. So, she was our family but with that being said, she was always on my mother’s side in a sense like she would kind of take sides in a sense because it was her mother and I get it like if there was an argument like my sister would defend my mother in an argument. Like, literally, my mother and father are arguing back and forth screaming and then my sister would chime in and I’m like trying to stay out of it.

But as a kid, I'm seeing this. I'm witnessing this. That's why whenever I hear someone that is in that environment like we have cousins or, I’m sorry, my wife has cousins that in their family. There’s some chaos going on, some arguing going on, and some language being thrown back and forth, and I’m like what they’re doing to these children they don’t even understand like because I was in the middle of that. I’ve seen all that and I’ve seen my sister defending and it’s just not a good environment. But my point is my sister also stayed in the house with me and my father and didn’t go with my mother necessarily and I think because she’d also knew stability was there at home and my mother wasn’t really stable. But, yeah, so the divorce thing was really hard, really hard, and it was something we had to deal with. We did but it wasn’t easy at all.

[00:35:04] Scott: Okay. So, that’s that part. So, let me move forward now. So, now I’m probably going to get into a little bit of then my mother. Obviously, I’m a kid now and I’m getting older. I’m 15, 16 years old and as a 15, 16-year-old kid, I’m not like seeing my mother probably as much as I should have like I’m out hanging out with my buddies. I’m getting my license. We’re driving. I’m getting a girlfriend. We’re doing our thing and I kind of feel guilty to this day a little bit about that. My mother never made me feel guilty but now I do because I could’ve probably spent more time there but there were times also that I would go there, and she would say, “Scott, you know, now’s not a really good time. I’m not really feeling up to myself or I’m going through a thing here,” and she would always be really good about not putting that on me and being like, “Scott, don’t worry about it. This is nothing personal. I just need some time or I’m going to counseling this weekend. It’s really emotionally draining or whatever,” so those things.

[00:36:08] Joel: Well, that’s really cool. I just want to point that out that I keep seeing is as we look back at our past and sometimes we kind of like, “Oh, that should never happen and that’s wrong,” and bad but who would you be if some of that stuff didn’t happen and that’s always like a tough question because you can’t predict it 100% but would you be Scott? Would you be the Scott Voelker that’s helped as many people as you’ve helped if those pressures didn’t be there? So, it’s like you look back in the past and go, “I’d love to change that,” but what if you did?

[00:36:37] Scott: Yeah.

[00:36:38] Joel: What would happen for your kids? What would happen for your wife? Would you guys have connected on the same thing and been there for each other? And so, as I start going to these scenarios and the reason I do that is because I don’t want my kids to get trapped. Bad things happen sometimes like friends aren’t nice or parents do stupid things or people say mean things because they’re working out of fear rather than really thinking about how it affects that child and I want my kids to go, “Okay. Well, you still get to choose.” You still make the best of it. How are you stronger and how are you going to use this to shape you moving forward? That’s more important. And so, it is cool as like but I always like you hear the things and you’re like, “Oh, they’re arguing directly in front of kids, that should never happen,” but what would’ve happened to you if it hadn’t?

[00:37:23] Scott: Yeah. No, you’re 100% right. It’s not easy to go through.

[00:37:28] Joel: No, it’s not.

[00:37:29] Scott: But you’re right. You look back on that and you see that that actually made me think differently on how I wanted to do it or how we wanted to do it, my wife and I. So, yeah, I mean…

[00:37:41] Joel: That can go the other way. I mean that can go where the yelling and they never have security and they never have confidence and they never try. That can go the other way too. It’s no matter what the event is, that’s not what determines what happens in our life. It’s that’s next step so like the things that shaped you into something someone else could’ve gone through and you said to destroy themselves. People go through violence and one person walks out chanting going, “This is not happening to other people,” and then another like just folds into the fear.

[00:38:11] Scott: Yeah. And I think when people are going through any of this stuff you might say to yourself like or when you look back at your life, “No, there's nothing good that could've come out of that,” but if you dig a little bit deeper I think you can find that there is. Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that I’ve been a perfect parent. I don’t think anybody’s a perfect parent. I don't think anybody's perfect at anything. There are definitely things that I could’ve done differently. I think I did a pretty darn good job and my wife did and I think we’ve raised some pretty amazing kids and I think they’re kind of the result of what we’ve done. But are there things that you would say, “Yeah, I wish I did?” Well, I’ll give you an example and part of my upbringing or not even upbringing but part of my like childhood that abandonment feeling or not the security of my mother being there or whatever, also that was out of my control.

So, when I’m out of control what does that – and I didn’t realize this until later in life but what does that generally do to someone like in their own life as far as like your day-to-day stuff? Well, for me, I’ve been always kind of like a neat freak. I want things in certain places. I want things tidy. Before I can work, I need to make sure that the counters are clear, that the sink is empty, there are no dishes in it. Because in my head, I can control that. I can make that done and I feel less cluttered. I feel secure in a sense and I’ve also accomplished something that I have control over. And I didn’t realize this until later in life and I was looking at all this stuff and now I’ve recognized it. It doesn’t make it right. I’ve gotten a lot better but I’m just saying like if you recognize it and you’re like, “Oh, I see. That’s where I come from or that’s why I do that.” It’s not that I’m weird.

[00:40:09] Scott: It’s just that that’s the reasoning why I’m the way that I am but those things do come into play and I see that all the time. Even to this day, I mean things aren’t 100% the way I’d like them but I’ve kind of learned to adapt because I’ve got kids and kids make messes and things aren’t always going to be perfect and then also I’d say, “Well, I can clean the floors later because there’s an hour more I could spend here doing this with the kids or whatever.” That stuff still creeps in there. It’s like, “All right, guys. Just give me 15 minutes. Let me get this done. That way I can settle, and I could feel relaxed.”

[00:40:43] Joel: Yeah. And you mentioned that term is something I hear a lot. I know I’m weird or that might be weird, and people do that a lot of time to themselves. I mean from what I’ve seen, from seeing so many people if you actually get to see their whole story, kids see everything in the past, we all have weird things. The weird things are what make us. I mean, if we can just calm down about that a little bit and just go, “Okay. This shaped me. This makes me.” And again, you’re hitting that same thing and I love it is that you realize it. You’re not saying this is right because I do it. You’re saying, “I don’t know if that’s right, but this is what I’m doing and I’m actually improving it because it’s added to my life.” Right there, well, what’s important to you is your family. So, it’s like, “I’ll let that go because I’m going to hang out with my daughter for an hour.” And that is so cool and that's how we use these things. Weird isn't going away and I would say if you're really growing, if you're really – it's weird to own your own business. If you look at the average, it's weird to be successful and it's weird to take action when there are other people telling you to be afraid. That's weird. Thank God. Let's go get weird, man.

[00:41:46] Scott: Right. Yeah. Let’s get weird. I love that. I like that. Be different. Be weird. Yeah. I like it. But it’s so true. It’s like there’s a lot of different things that we were brought up around or introduced to or whatever and that does shape us, and I think that’s super important. For people, they just seem to look at their own lives and just say, hey, where am I “weird”? Where are we different? And it’s okay to be different and just recognize that and try to figure out where that is a strength as well.

[00:42:22] Joel: Well, I’ve seen that in a business standpoint that from you, that organization, that control piece, but what it does it gives you a certain level of certainty too. Once you go, “Okay. Well, that’s a lot of ideas.” No, what are five things we need to do? And you go boom, boom, boom and as soon as you hit there, man, Scott’s off. You’re just taking off and it is cool so that same weird trait has shaped you in such a positive way and I know you probably use that throughout your life. It’s not just in business but like everywhere is I’m going to line this up and then as soon as you get that like, “Oh, okay. Now I see it.” You will make it happen.

[00:42:54] Scott: Well, yeah, it’s funny, a good buddy of mine who he was known to start projects and never finish them.

[00:43:02] Joel: Yeah.

[00:43:02] Scott: I was always the one that was like I’m starting and I’m finishing it and I don’t care if I have to work until two o’clock in the morning. It’s getting done. There’s a story of me finishing the house that I built, and some people know from my story that I’ve shared in the past, but I built the house, gosh, when I was working in construction and full-time and I built my own house that my family lived in, raised my family in for over 17 years and I did that in about 11 months. And I had some time off from my construction job that I took off on purpose, so I can go and shingle my roof, so I can get some stuff done and then I had this one area in the peak of the house. I was putting it, they call them fish scales or like these little decorative scales that go up there kind of like cedar shakes and it was way up, way up. I had like a 36-foot ladder extended and it’s two o’clock in the morning, floodlights are up there. My mother-in-law lived just up the hill, so she could see. She couldn’t go to sleep because she was nervous. I’m up there until two o’clock until that last shingle was up there and I did that because I had it in my mind. I started it. I’m finishing it today no matter what. It’s getting done and I did it.

And I do probably relate that back to just knowing that I can wipe my hands with it. It’s done. I’m complete. I finished something. I have control. I said I’m going to do something. I’m going to do it but yeah that does come back into your life that could be beneficial. So, alright, so let me move on. So, we got up to the divorce, got to be a teenager. My mother was living, I don’t know, probably about 10 minutes away and I would visit her occasionally like when I could once or twice a week, probably more, I should’ve done more but again I didn’t, but she was going through her own stuff, going through a lot of counseling. My mother was always, they were always sampling new drugs on her, I mean prescription drugs to basically try to balance out her emotions and her anxiety and phobias and like all of that stuff.

[00:44:59] Scott: So, to me she was kind of like a test pig or kind of like a guinea pig test subject for these different meds and I didn’t know any better and nowadays I wouldn’t advise that at all but that’s what she was because she was always trying to find that balance without the alcohol. Without the alcohol, how do you balance your mindset, your thoughts and not really knowing why you’re feeling a certain way that you’re feeling? So, kind of like she was going through this stuff as I was getting older and I remember her again going through these bouts of where she was depressed then she was happy and depressed and then happy, but I remember now. I don’t want to forget this because I think this was an important lesson as well is when I was probably around 16 I think it was. I was going through something with a girl or whatever and just have my own little issues and talking to her and then she was having problems and just felt like my life was just like in chaos.

And I think my mother might have called me or something or I called her from one of my friends or something. We got in an argument. I forget what for and I threatened to kill myself and I don’t think I meant it, but I knew it would get a reaction and, boy oh boy, did I cause some problems because then I had a big sit down and she told me that, “If you ever feel like that like you need to tell someone, you need to reach out to someone, there’s a hotline,” and it was great. I mean she was worried because she’s seen what had happened and she had her own bouts. She probably attempted suicide two or three times all by pills I think. It was all pills. My father had told me a story one time. They’re having a barbecue and she disappeared and then he went in and she was basically there unconscious and had to call the meds or the ambulance, the paramedics and have them pump her stomach and all that stuff.

[00:47:02] Scott: So, you know what I mean? So, she understood it, but I’ve seen that as also a way to get attention, so I don’t know if that’s what I was doing at the time. I don’t think I meant it. I’ve never had a thought of that moving past that one time, but I don’t really believe I meant it. I think it was an attention thing because I’ve seen what it did for her, not in a bad way, but in a way that she was doing it because she did want attention. She wanted help and didn’t know how to get it because she was so confused and lost in her own head. But, yeah, that was kind of an eye-opening thing for me too because once I said that I’ve seen the fear that came over her and then we’re leading up to about the time that I got married and I want – and this is where my mother did pass away eventually but where she was going through counseling and she was going through a really dark time to where she would say, like me and my wife, Lisa, got married and we would go visit her and she had said, “I don’t really want you guys to visit for like the next couple of weeks. I’m just going through some really rough times right now and stuff.”

And here I’m kind of a young adult and I’m kind of nervous and scared of her of what could happen, and I want to go there but I know that I shouldn’t. And then she had told me what she had discovered through one of her counseling sessions and what she had discovered is that she was molested as a kid. So, it started to all add up but she and the person that supposedly have done this was her father. So, now it starts to make more sense like everything starts, all the pieces start to align, everything starts to come together but now still that doesn’t help fix her.

[00:48:53] Joel: Yeah. That didn’t stop it. Yeah. That’s poignant.

[00:48:58] Scott: Yeah. So, there are no meds that are really going to help that. It’s a lot of counseling. It’s a lot of forgiveness. It’s a lot that because for all those years she really kind of hated her father but didn’t because she felt guilty and then wondering why and now it kind of make sense why. They didn’t know it. She blacked it out. I think she discovered it through being hypnotized or whatever like to bring you under and then they start to discover like some things that she wasn’t even aware of or on the surface.

[00:49:31] Joel: So, a couple of things, and I mean I like to do a couple more things and I could wrap this story up a little bit just so people have like their takeaways and some things but first, I’d like to hear some ways where you started noticing what had happened, some of those events, actually negatively affected you and what you did about it.

[00:49:48] Scott: Yeah. Well, I think part of the things that started to negatively affect me was and again I’m talking about the whole story, not just like bits and pieces but thinking to myself like I need to figure out how to be secure and how to be safe and then how to find someone that in my life that I’m not just necessarily saying like I have to have like my wife I feel as though we make a great couple, a great team but in the same breath I never wanted to have to lean on someone. I don’t think anyone should have to lean 100% on someone. I think it’s good to have someone there to lean on when you need them, but you shouldn’t have to depend on that person.

So, could I go on and be successful? Sure. Would I want to? No, but I think it also allowed me to and I think anyone is to build up your own skill sets and dig deep inside of your own self to find out what those things are and then use those to move yourself to where you want to go and really discover what that is. I think that’s another big takeaway like what is it that you want and then figuring out why you want that. Why do you want to be able to stay home with your kids? Is it so you can watch Netflix and have them go to a sitter? Like what is it? That wouldn’t be good for me like if I’m going to build a business that allows me to have time, I want to take the time to spend it with my family.

[00:51:26] Joel: Okay. So, the piece you’re responding to is like kind of the dependency like feeling that comp and know that that’s not why you want to be connected to your wife and that’s not why you want to be connected to your family but overwriting, is that what you’re talking about?

[00:51:38] Scott: Yeah. Exactly.

[00:51:40] Joel: And then okay cool.

[00:51:42] Scott: Yeah. I think so. Again, it’s like one of these things that’s why I wanted you on, Joel. It’s kind of like you’re hearing things and you’re kind of distilling them down differently than I might even be playing them in my own head. And I like that because it does make me say, “Oh yeah, he’s right. That does make sense,” and it’s kind of like one of those counseling sessions. It’s kind of where you go there, and you get that feedback and that’s good to be able to do that.

[00:52:07] Joel: It’s really nice you had another added piece and both because of we know how valuable it is to anybody starting their business, but you went to your big why.

[00:52:15] Scott: I did.

[00:52:16] Joel: And I love that because that’s exactly where you start to answer for some of these things because that’s what will get you over it. It’s easy to stick in the pattern and go, “Okay. Well, I do feel dependency and it hurts their way, so I’ll just stay there,” but then you ask yourself what my why was and now you open up the resources to do something about it. And that way you can go, “Okay. No, no, no, my wife and I are a great team.” It’s not the dependency piece or that I don’t like being alone or my family has to always be this because we’re a great team and we do amazing things together and that’s why I’m doing it, not because of my dependency and I love that.

[00:52:50] Scott: Yeah. I think it’s crazy too though how like things do end up, I don’t want to say always working but they seem to as long as you put yourself out there, but they seem to find themselves or you’re able to find those through whatever you’re doing in your life. Now, again if you’re out there and you’re doing bad things, you’re going to find bad things. But what I’m saying is for me to be able to be drawn to my wife and then us hitting it off and knowing almost immediately that we were a match like that’s kind of crazy to me to think back that her and I met and within six months we were like engaged and I knew it like I just knew it. But again, going back to my girlfriend in high school taught me a lot. It taught me of what I didn’t want, and I didn’t know it at the time, but she was really there to me for just the companion, to having someone there. I knew that she probably wasn’t going to be the one for me.

But to me it was that dependency, it was having someone to be around, it was a little bit of affection and love and those things that you want in your life that you might not have because my mother was going through her things, my father was busy with his thing. So, you’re kind of trying to find a way to fill that void. But then when you find the right one, man, it’s like crazy. It’s like look at all the amazing things that have happened. My wife and I built multiple businesses together. We have a great relationship, 24 years married. We're both healthy. We both have the same visions as far as what we want to do in life, health-wise and personally and family. We actually just this past weekend my daughter was visiting, my oldest daughter Alexis and her and her husband are going to be trying for kids here probably in the next couple of years and we’re talking about what are some cool grandma and grandpa names. I don’t want to be just grandpa. So, it’s like I’m excited to be able to take the lessons that I’ve learned and use those in our lives moving forward and also helping people by even just sharing this story and if some person walks away that listens to this and said, “Holy crap,” like I connect with that like in some way and that helps pull you out or even just redirect your path or give you another perspective then I’m happy like I’m so happy.

[00:55:09] Joel: And that’s perfect because the kind of question I have that actually is what lessons from your life would you teach others, would you teach your own kids that you want to make sure that people you care about are getting from your life?

[00:55:23] Scott: Yeah. Well, it’s a great question and I think the biggest thing is believing in yourself and from there going for what makes you happy.

[00:55:37] Joel: Awesome.

[00:55:37] Scott: Right? So, don’t settle because you think you have to or because you need to conform to a certain lifestyle or even a lifestyle that your parents might think that you should have because every one of your family went to college or maybe they haven’t went to college and so you’re not supposed to go to college or whatever it is, don’t conform. The life that we have is so short and it is. I mean, 90 years would be amazing like 100 would even be better if we’re healthy but it’s really not that long. So, like why be unhappy doing what you’re doing in life or even just the life that you’re living or the person that you’re with or the family that you’re raising or being a certain role model for your kids or even kids that you coach on a baseball team or softball team or whatever, soccer, whatever sport you’re doing or helping out with Scouts, whatever it is.

It’s like what are the things that’s going to light you up or that you’re going to be remembered as and those are the things I think you should really focus on and understand that the things in your past doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s where you have to go but you could learn from those past experiences and that could go all the way back to your childhood or your parents and all of that stuff. Before we do wrap up though, I did want to share one last thing just with people because it was kind of like the last thing that happened to me which also was eye-opening. Actually, it forced me to deal with it but the day that I found my mother passed away I was coming back from work, working construction and my son, Scottie, now who’s 20 was two months old. She held him once or maybe twice. And so, I was coming home from work and I pulled in. We were getting ready to go to New Jersey on a little vacation, ourselves and another couple.

[00:57:36] Scott They had some kids and we’re going to go away together and I pull in the parking lot and I remember parking the van in the parking lot, the work van, and my wife, Lisa, came pretty much jogging up to me crying, bawling her eyes out, and I’m thinking to myself like one of our kids something happened like I’m just – and she came up and she hugged me and she said, “It’s your mom.” I didn’t even cry at the time. I don’t think I was in shock but almost in another part of me was almost relieved and I know a lot of people don’t like to say that, but I've seen her fight for so long and struggling and I knew that she was probably going to be in a better place, but you never want to see that but in the same breath we were always, always worrying about how she was doing or was she going to try to commit suicide.

And so, that was the final thing really with that, that also taught me that death can be really, really devastating and grieving but it can also be a learning lesson there as well like being able to take the lessons that you’ve learned through that whole experience and then adapting those to your life and then helping other people when they have a death in their family and how you got through it. So, yeah, it wasn’t easy. My mother was 50 and that’s young. That’s really, really young. My wife’s father died when he was 56 of colon cancer. So, we both dealt with it. We dealt a lot of that in our lives but, again, I just want to wrap up with that. I know it’s not like you shouldn’t wrap up with that but it's like it was kind of like that was the final piece and actually, it was terrible, it was devastating, and it took a while.

[00:59:35] Scott Even to this day I just wish that she was here for just a moment to enjoy my kids and all of that but in the same breath I’ve seen the fight that she put up for so many years and she was so strong. I mean, she was a smoker too and she quit smoking for like 12 years before she died. And just to also to kind of give her some props when she passed away, she was 20 years sober, so she had quit drinking completely for 20 years, never had a drop and if you know anything about alcoholism, if you drink one drop you are now, you’ve slipped back to zero. So, she was 20 years clean and she had quit smoking for over 10 years. So, pretty strong woman but she dealt with a lot and, yeah, she taught me a lot as well.

[01:00:20] Joel: That last piece reminds me up one more thing and it’s just something I want to make sure. Sometimes it’s easy to tell someone when they’re doing okay or when they’re doing good advice and can take it up. What advice do you have for people that are going through a hard time right now when things seemed more difficult or harder to feel optimistic about?

[01:00:37] Scott: Yeah. That’s a good one because when you’re in it, it’s hard. It’s really, really hard. I think you got to look at the good things that have happened in your life and how they’ve shaped you but then also look at the future, where can the future go. Now, I know if you’re dealing with someone going through cancer it can be so devastating, it’s so hard. Or a sudden death, it’s instant. You don’t know how to deal with that. Try to think about the people that are here now that are still here, the ones that love you, the ones that need you, the ones that you can impact. Think about that and that to me will push you past any negativity or at least get you through the negative times or the times that you could really, really start spiraling down. Think about all of the good that you provide and the people that are looking up to you or that are finding you as motivation or inspiration or just someone that they enjoy being around or just someone special in your life.

[01:01:43] Joel: Awesome. You have people that need you. We do so much more for the people we care about than we do for ourselves sometimes. Awesome. That was an amazing answer.

[CLOSING]

[01:01:52] Scott: Awesome. So, let’s kick this up a notch. What do you say? I think we got to close this baby down the way that we close it down and a lot of times people say, “Scott, how do you get all that energy?” Well, I just get excited because I’m here and I’m able to serve you and I’m able to hang out with people like Joel and my whole team and my family and my extended family, the TAS Community, all of you guys and this thank you wall that I look at every day and I’m looking at right now. You can’t see me but I’m looking at it and a whole bunch of letters that come in all the time, emails about people that we are helping and that we’re changing their lives and if this episode has done that, let me know for sure in the show notes.

The show notes to this episode can be found at TheAmazingSeller.com/543. You can get all of the transcripts or show notes. There won’t be a lot of links here but there will be the transcripts if you want to read this or you can just go back to it, bookmark it. This might be an episode you might want to go back and listen to or maybe even have someone in your life that you think has went through this and that can maybe help them. That might be a good idea as well. But let’s get some energy going on here today, Joel. Let’s close this baby out. Are you ready, my friend?

[01:03:02] Joel: I am, sir.

[01:03:03] Scott: All right. Well, let’s kick it up a notch. So, guys, remember, as always, I’m here for you, I believe in you, and I’m rooting for you, but you have to, you have to, come on, say it with me, say it loud, say it proud, Joe is going to say it on the count of three. You ready, Joel?

[01:03:18] Joel: Yes, I am.

[01:03:18] Scott: You ready with some energy?

[01:03:20] Joel: Oh yeah. I’m going to get that energy now.

[01:03:22] Scott: One, two, three. Take action!

[01:03:24] Joel: Take action!

[01:03:26] Scott: Have an awesome amazing day, guys! And I’ll see you right back here on the next episode.

[END]

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